How To Be Annoying Online …
February 19th, 2008 | by programming |1. Make up fake acronyms. Online veterans like to use abbreviations like IMHO (in my humble opinion) or RTFM (read the fucking manual) to show that they’re “hep” to the lingo. Make up your own that don’t stand for anything (SETO, BARL, CP30), use them liberally, and then refuse to explain what they stand for (”You don’t know that? RTFM”).
2. WRITE YOUR MESSAGES IN ALL CAPS AND DON’T USE RETURNS SO THAT EVERYONE HAS TO SCROLL ACROSS THEIR SCREENS TO READ EVERY LINE. ALSO USE A LOT OF !!!!! TO SHOW THAT YOU’RE EXCITED ABOUT BEING HERE!
3. When replying to your mail, correct everyone’s grammar and spelling and point out their typos, but don’t otherwise respond to the content of their messages. when they respond testily to your “creative criticism,” do it again. Continue until they go away.
4. Software and files offered online are often “compressed” so that they won’t take so long to travel over the phone lines. Buy a compression program and compress everything you send, including one-word e-mail responses like “Thanks.”
5. Upload text files with Bible passages about sin or guilt and give them names like “SexyHousewivesI,” then see how many people download it. Challenge your friends to come up with the most popular come-ons.
6. cc: all your e-mail to Al Gore (vice.president@whitehouse.gov) so that he can keep track of what’s happening on the Internet.
7. Join a discussion group and tie whatever’s being discussed back to an unrelated central theme. For instance, if you’re in a discussion of gun control, respond to every message with the observation that those genetically superior tomatoes seem to have played an important role. Within days, all discussion of gun control will have ceased as people write you threatening messages and instruct others to ignore you.
This article first appeared in Spy, July/August 1994.
By chris on Feb 19, 2008 | Reply
THESE ARE ALL REALLY GOOD TIPS AND I PLAN TO USE EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By Rich on Feb 20, 2008 | Reply
#6 was improperly written, and DBOS. It may help in the future, especially if you ANSL.
By thorn on Feb 20, 2008 | Reply
Correction, Chris. Using all capital letters and more than one punctuation mark at the end of a sentence is very bad grammer.
By David on Mar 22, 2008 | Reply
Did you guys see Dancing with the Stars the other night? OMG! It was FA!